No Jeff that would make me insane. Though I do talk to myself knowing that I am listening.
I understand the anger and disappointment you feel. Life without faith can seem rather pointless.
Many years ago I used to read Frank Yerby's books. I was fascinated by his railing against a god that he did not believe in. He concluded that we struggle against a blind fate; but if god is fate or chance is indifferent to man's desires or actions, the individuals struggle is ultimately with him or herself.
He also decided that we became true adults when we accepted our situation as humans and resigned ourselves to the inevitability of death.
I envy people who are able to sustain a faith and believe that there is more to life that the present. I enjoy life but knowing that it will one day end, it might be better if I did not enjoy living.